My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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