i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
