3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
