I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
