mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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