You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want a musical about memes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
