he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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