all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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