sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
