I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
