so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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