fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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