Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
