people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
FUCK WHALES
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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