Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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