your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
