True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
