but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
