i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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