This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
