so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
