she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
