I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
