I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
