Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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