She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
