i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
