dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
