So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
