i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
