I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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