There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
