next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
