where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
