Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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