Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
sex in a hospital.. check
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
