i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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