My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
