Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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