Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
