idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
