If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
