Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
