my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
