Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
