Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
