im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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