dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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