She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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