I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
