now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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