I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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