I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
