Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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