I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
