I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
