you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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