she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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