Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
