I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
