I accidentally burped into my bong.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
