I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
