U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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