also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
