If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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