Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He better not be in your backpack
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
