PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
