He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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