At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
