Need sex. Gaining weight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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