my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
