He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
