I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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