I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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