Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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